You can’t help falling in love

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Dear Young People,

I am sure you have all heard of the term ‘falling in love.’ Millions of songs have been written on this theme. The songs make you think that it is exciting. They tell you that the feeling is wonderful, and that you feel like a different person—the sky is bluer than usual and the birds sing sweetly in the trees. In fact all this is true—the feeling is truly wonderful—and therein lies the danger. Not a moment goes by without thinking about the one you love.

No Logic in Falling in Love
You cannot stop a person who is falling in love from falling in love. It is a kind of fall where one falls flat on one’s face. A married man with children falls in love with a young girl. A college boy falls in love with a woman twice his age. There is no logic about falling in love. They all understand their folly, but only after many lives have been shattered. That is why one must be careful not to get into a situation where such a thing can happen.

Do not mistake me. I wish all of you do fall in love but at the right time and with the right person. I wish for all of you young girls that you fall in love with godly young men at the proper time. I wish for all of you young men that you fall in love with godly young women at the proper time. May be you will fall in love only after you marry. Or may be just before.
Unfortunately, if you are careless, you can fall in love with the wrong person. Falling in love is not something that you plan to do. It just happens in certain circumstances, and we must flee from such circumstances.

The Case of Anand and Priya
Anand was overjoyed when his friend Jai became a Christian. Anand had shared the gospel with him. After some months, Jai had started accompanying him to Bible studies in the church. One day, Jai decided that he wanted to commit his life to the Lord Jesus. After Jai became a Christian, he very badly wanted his sister Priya to understand his new-found faith. However much he tried to explain to her, she would not listen to him. He asked Anand to speak with her. Perhaps she would listen to Anand. How wonderful it would be if she could only understand the message of the Bible and be saved.

Anand met Priya regularly to share the gospel with her. For a time, it seemed to be working. But gradually, he found that he became attracted to her. He looked forward to these visits. She also began to look forward to the Bible lessons although she found the actual Bible study boring. She liked the way he looked at her intently with so much concern. She liked his seriousness and the tone of his voice. The amount of time they spent studying the Bible gradually became less and less. Soon things were totally out of control. Because Anand was God-fearing, he managed to keep from becoming physically close to Priya. He got help from two senior Christians. By that time Priya was also deeply in love with him and he with her. So they got married.

In the beginning, his life was one of constant struggle because Priya was not a spiritual person, and he wanted to serve the Lord. But after a few years, he gradually gave up struggling and his love for the Lord grew cold. It was not that Priya was bad. She was just not a spiritual person, and Anand had made a tragic mistake in thinking that he could win her over for Christ.

Maybe we can say a word about avoiding romantic relationships with unbelievers.

Romantic Involvement with Unbelievers

Imagine that a bigger and stronger boy stands on the table while a smaller boy stands on the ground. Now imagine that the stronger tries to pull the smaller up to the table, while the smaller also tries to pull the stronger down to the ground. It is more likely that smaller will win and the stronger will fail. So it is in marriage when one person is a believer. It is more likely that the unbeliever will pull the believer down. The Lord has warned us about this danger very clearly in the scriptures. There is one exception. If two unbelievers marry, and if one of them comes to the Lord after marriage, God gives a certain spiritual protection. But if you, precious believing young people in EBA, choose to marry someone who has not made a commitment to the Lord, you do so at your own peril.

Do not be _______________ “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Cor 15:33
This is a scripture that is not speaking about marriage. This is a general principle. It warns us to be careful about who we move with. Who are our friends? If we are to be so careful about our friendships, imagine how careful we must be when there is a possibility of romantic involvement with an unbeliever.

The following passage from 2 Cor 6:14-17 warns us about close relationships with unbelievers. After you read it, you will be convinced that it is a fearful thing to fall in love and marry a person who has not come to a saving knowledge of Christ.

Do not be unequally yoked together with _________. For what fellowship has _________ with _________? And what communion has _________ with _________?
And what accord has _________ with _________? Or what part has a _________ with an _________?
And what agreement has the temple of _________ with _________? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they shall be My people.”

In the college or in the workplace, you may be asked out to lunch by a colleague of the opposite sex. Learn to avoid such situations in a cheerful and pleasant way without giving offense. Remember that it is safe to be in a group.
If a person of the opposite sex helps you or saves you from a difficult situation, thank the Lord for that person’s help, for He uses people to help us. Also thank that person whole heartedly and with dignity. That is enough. Be polite, honest, and dependable with everyone.

A situation, where a young man and young woman are together alone, is fraught with danger. Avoid such situations. As we saw earlier, once you begin to fall in love, it is hard to stop. Whatever way the story ends after that, it is messy, and heartbreak is a part of it. But the gravest danger is the spiritual scars that you will carry all your life, for it is not easy to overcome the guilt and erase the memory of the passion you felt.

I wish that all of you, young people of this church, can face your marriage partner one day and pledge your love to that precious person from a heart that has known no one else. Keep your hearts pure and in readiness for that one special person.

If a person of the opposite sex becomes interested in learning about the Bible from you, in the light of what we have just discussed, which of the following should you do?

  • Set apart a time for the meeting and share the gospel with the person regularly
  • Invite the person to attend Bible studies with the pastor

(Nahomi Dhinakar; Published in Youth Column of Dhyanamlar May 2005) Click here for other Youth Column articles

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